I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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