remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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