My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The Olympian is in my bed
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