Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
