I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
