last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
