You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
