Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
