I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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