I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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