Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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