Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
