What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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