the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
