Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
