your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I currently don't understand fingers.
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