At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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