dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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