we have pet lesbian snakes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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