And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize