I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
