just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
