By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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