Acid is not a monday night drug
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
