very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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