she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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