I bet he comes in French.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
