Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
