saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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