Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
