Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize