LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
