We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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