There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
