no, he came in my armpit
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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