my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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