Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
