If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
