this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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