i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
