I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
