i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
not ubering you a puppy
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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