he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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