dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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