It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
