Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish i was in the wii world.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
