i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
please come you make the beer taste better
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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