I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
even my farts smell like vagina
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
