I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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