This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
