remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
