Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Are my feet made of real feet?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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