It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
What drink are we having for lunch?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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