woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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