He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
