you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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