I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so let's talk penis.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
