i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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