I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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