she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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