I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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