I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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