I hate your face
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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