The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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