dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
