i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
