you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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