How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
