You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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