That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
