shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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