If i come over, it means nothing
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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